This got me thinking about the past few years.
Ever since high school I’ve always planned how I want my life to be like, what I want my life to look like and where I want to be at. I went into college with the same plan, although there were instances that I went off track, I did, eventually picked up right where I left off.
But now, things are quite different.
I feel like I’m having an early onset of quarter-life crisis. The plans I drew up for myself, I thought, were set in stone.
But no life-plan is ever set in stone, isn’t there?
To be perfectly honest, what I envisioned for my life is slowly changing. And ironically, some of the things I said I will never like, well, I’m kind of digging right now (totally eating my words).
Not to be all preach-y, I mean I’m still Catholic and I still believe in God, I guess He saw the tendency that I have about obsessing about my future to the point that He purposely planted certain elements that would throw me off completely just to save me from my own self-destruction.
Going through a perfectly crafted list of things I want in my life, I realised that there aren’t really many that will benefit my inner self. I wanted certain things for the sake of the security of the people who mattered most in my life; I wanted to accomplish some things for the sake of contributing to human kind; I wanted to succeed at certain things because those could, somehow, be ways that could mean contributing far greater things to society (I’m not saying that we shouldn’t aim for those. We all should, for the sake of humanity and the Earth).
You might not get me, when I say this, but generally,
My plans were for people, not for myself.
I decided to re-evaluate what it is that really makes me happy; what makes me be at peace.
I’ve come to terms with myself about certain ideas or undertakings that I want to pursue at this stage of my life. Although, some people would probably disagree with me on the principles behind my actions, (like how my mom is totally misunderstanding my impulsive travel plans and spending what I’ve saved from my employment pay checks), I can only thank them for expressing concern and bookmarking what they said for future life-lesson references. I know that they know that it won’t change my mind or stop me (probably just the “I told you so” gratification in the future, if something unfortunate happens, and God forbid nothing happens).
It’s funny though, how certain things that are happening to me now are somehow interconnected with one another. It’s as if fate or destiny is paving the way for, maybe what I subconsciously want for my life. Of course, I recognise that it’s still up to me whether to act on all the opportunities. It’s just amusing how things can come so swiftly and seemingly coincidentally.
I’m not having any regrets about putting aside my initial life-plan. Who knows? Maybe in a few years, I’ll get back at it and see what’s feasible.